Episode 23/Transcript

Von Duct: Von Puppy! Arf arf! You vant a bone? Henchman Kyle: (enters the room with a Henchman Steve and Brock?) Dr. Havoc! Dr. Havoc, we’ve done it! We caught Brock Mason! Havoc: Holy shit! Good job! Kyle: Aw he gave us good job! Henchman Steve: Yeaaahhh! Kyle: He told us good job! Alright! Whoo! Steve: We-we did it! Pat on the back. We-can I--do we get like, a sticker or something? Havoc: Maybe! How the hell did you catch him? Steve: Ah, we found him fighting a raccoon behind a dumpster at a Taco Bell. Havoc: ...What? Ugh, hold on. (rips tape off of Brock?’s mouth) Brock?: ...Angry cat wanted my taco. Havoc: Ah, goddammit. This is the Brock clone! You guys didn’t notice that he had the mind of a two-year-old? Kyle: Hmm, that makes sense. Steve: Yeah, he did come right over to us. Kyle: Would also explain why he shit himself on the way over. Clone Brock: Uh-oh! Kyle: Why he pooped right in his pants. Clone Brock: Poopy. Havoc: Goddammit... (beat) You know, he does look exactly like Brock. Kyle: He does! Havoc: Maybe we can use this. Alright, tell you what. Go change him, and then bring him back here. The UN: Brock Mason?! Havoc: And that's not your son, it's a clone I made of your DNA! I mean, Christ, Brock! It's the same fuckin' age as you! Brock: (beat) You're right. My little boy's all grown up. But he still needs his daddy! Even grown men need their daddies. Come on, son. (turns around and motions) Hop on Pop Pop's back. Hop on Pop Pop. Up on Pop Pop. Clone Brock: (beat) Yay! (jumps on top of Brock, crushing him) Brock: Oh, GOD! (coughs) Get off! Get off Pop Pop! Off Pop Pop! Agh, get off Pop Pop! (stands back up, coughing and gasping) Oh my God, you really are a big boy, aren't you? Uh, m-maybe we should just hold hands. Hold Pop Pop's hand. (they do) I'm taking my son Havoc. Me and my boy have... got some catching up to do. Havoc: Okay, well, he's like a month old, so... Brock: I want to take you to lunch, son. Where would you like to go to eat lunch? Clone Brock: Taco Bell, Pop Pop. Brock: Aah, hah. You really are a chip off the old block, huh, Taco Bell it is! (they leave) Havoc: He's not a chip off the old block! He's an exact replica! He's like a literal copy of the block! (later, he turns the screen back on) Alright guys, so, where were we with that billion dollars? Secretary General: Where is Brock Mason? Is he safe? Havoc: Yeah yeah, he's fine! See? He's right here! (pulls Von Duct up) Secretary General: (beat) He looks... strange. Dr. Havoc, we need to hear from Brock's mouth that he is safe and not under duress. Brock, are you okay? Von Duct: Yeah--(clears throat) (poorly imitating Brock) Uh, yeah, all good in, z-ze hood. Havoc: So, there you have it, let's move forward. Secretary General: (whispers to his men, then turns back to Havoc) Dr. Havoc. We have reason to believe that that is not Brock Mason. Havoc: What? No no, this totally is. I swear. (to Von Duct) Tell him, Brock. Von Duct: Yeah, (clears throat) I'm Brock Mason! I'm a secret agent, and I love fucking Dr. Havoc's wife! ...Cowabunga! Secretary General: Alright Havoc, we're hanging up now. Havoc: (the video goes fuzzy) Wait! No, I-I promise! (the connection is lost) (sighs) (to Von Duct) "Cowabunga"? You really think that's something he would say? Von Duct: (in normal voice) Uh, to be honest, I've never met Brock Mason.